My favorite things

I wrote this a couple years ago, but wanted to get it on here.  Sing to the tune of "My Favorite Things".

Freshly made coffee, The Ultimate Fighter,
Not having to search too damn hard for my lighter,
Days when my work is called off due to snow,
Machines finally paying off at casinos.

Big Hawkeye wins by at least twenty-four,
When (a cop gets a guy going 90) that passed me 5 minutes before*,
Beaded partitions and big lava lamps,
Really short skirts, thongs and sexy tramp stamps.

Doing a job well, winning at poker.
Teaching my kids politicians are jokers.
When neighbors spend 90 minutes plowing snow from my drive,
and only ask for twenty bucks (though I insist on 65).

When my wife's period comes. When the kids drink a half gallon of egg nog I just got from the store 2 hours ago. When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things, and life doesn't seem, so bad.

Weekends playing Settlers of Kattan with my dad,
When I do something dumb and my gorgeous wife doesn't get mad.
Seeing a friend on facebook I haven't spoken to in 19 years,
Watching sad movies that bring out some tears**.

Laughing at Mike Nelson on MST3k,
Fooling homophobes at work into thinking I'm gay***.
Telling the kids that the Blair Witch Project was real,
rock candy, quesadillas and my wife's Thanksgiving meal.

My kids Straight A report cards, good news from the scale,
Screaming over my wife and kids on "The Tower of Terror" ride at Disney World that "We're dropping straight into Hell!"
The Office and Andy Samburg SNL digital shorts,
Bill Maher, Howard Zinn and witty retorts.

When I find out I have an $80 dollar library fine from my mom when she took the kids to our local library on her last visit; when I look at my 401k account returns over the last 2 years, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel, so bad.

Sung to the tune of "Stairway to Heaven" .




* For posterity, this hasn't happened yet, but I keep holding out hope.

** I'm not much of a cryer. Sad movies seem to do it to me. Not explaining, just saying.

*** This really is hilarious if you're there, but I can see how it might sound weird mentioned off-hand in poem limerick or song.